The Help

I was listening to the radio in my car today and there was an advertisement for a swanky wedding venue. I imagine with all the Christmas marriage proposals, this makes sense. A summer outdoor wedding will be lovely!

Several years ago, hubby and I worked part time for a caterer. Easy work, decent money. We did LOTS of weddings, and when you are the HELP, you are invisible and see and hear some interesting things.

Mermaid wedding dresses should only be worn by a svelte woman. A huge butt only looks huger, is that a word?, in one of these gowns. It must also be low cut so that everyone can enjoy the brides boobs as much as the groom. Bridesmaids dresses are usually hideous too. The best I ever saw were long sleeved, high-necked forest green velvet. It was a fall wedding in October that happened to be held on one of the hottest days of the year. The idea was good, the reality not so much. Those poor gals were heatstroking and the bride was pissed that they were not all cheery and smiling. The wedding cake melted and it was overall a mess. It was fun to watch the bride, her Mom and Mom-in-Law snap out. Brides also tended to eat like pigs at their weddings. I remember several saying they had dieted to get into the dress and now that they were married, they were going to eat.

At another wedding, as we were getting the food ready during the wedding ceremonty I went to use the restroom. The bathroom door was locked. As I was waiting, out of the bathroom came a couple all red faced and disheveled. Normally, I would think, great! how fun to have a little tryst at a wedding. But, the couple who came out of the bathroom were not there with each other. They both had other dates. They walked right past me like I wasn't there. Of course I told my co-workers and they wouldn't look at any of us for the rest of the party.

We also did several hospital Christmas parties. Everyone dressed in their finest sequins and furs. I didn't know women wore furs anymore. I obviously don't run in the right circles. These parties were always full of office flirtations fueled by alcohol. The cute nurses and doctors giving each other the eye and the wives clutching their arms tighter. He's mine! We would come upon couples groping in the hallways, bathrooms and parking lots. They always acted like they didn't see us, but we saw them.

Weddings are always a good time to hash out a family feud. We witnessed many arguments and snubs. These are drinking games. The more they drank the more pissed someone got about some imaginary thing and fists would fly. Not to be remembered the next day of course. Families of the wedding party also don't always get along. The bride or groom is not good enough for the other. The Mom does not mind telling you either. Have a few more drinks.

I always thought if would be interesting to follow these couples and see where they were in five years. Were they really meant to be or was a big white wedding and party what they were looking for? Since we were only the HELP, we could only make up our own stories with the little we had observed. But boy, did we observe!

Our Government at Work

The media is reporting that the USDA will now be required to put nutrition information on meat. Is it news to anyone that meat has high fat and cholesterol content? Our government wants to help all of us hapless Americans fight obesity. We are so lucky they are looking our for us!

This is such bullshit. If the government wanted to help Americans fight obesity, they would shut down the food, and I use that term loosely, manufacturers that are poisoning us with their products. How many of us know, really know, what the ingredients/additives are in this so called food?

Here are a few of my favorites.
Citric acids for a sour taste. Why? If it's supposed to be sour then it should be naturally.
Phosphates, to help food flow easily. Flow from where? To where? It seems that if food doesn't flow through your body naturally, then it probably doesn't belong there. We all have enough digestive issues.
Oxystearin prevents excessive frothing. Does this mean if you get bit by a rabid animal after consuming a product with this additive, you won't foam at the mouth?
Guar Gum adds bulk and I don't mean in a fiber way.
Glazing agents/waxes give a polished appearance. But what is it doing for the inside of our bodies? Polish is for brass, silver and shoes, not our intestines.
Glycerol is a solvent. Solvents are used in auto shops, metal fabrication and refining. They have no place in our food.
High fructose corn syrup. It is the worst and it is in everything. Why does all of our food need to have a sweetener?

These additives, and many more are being produced in a laboratory. They are by no means a natural occuring substance anywhere on the planet. Food additives are used to make our food taste good and to get us addicted to the fat and sugar content. It is no different than alcohol or tobacco.

Portion size also plays a big role in this. Why does everything need to be supersized? Who came up with that term? A McDonalds executive named David Wallerstein. There's a big surprise. Even though McDonalds phased out supersize in 2004, they did not reduce the portion size that went along with. Nor did the other big chains. Imagine the riot at McDonalds if they served you a smaller burger.

I realize that the food manufacturers and big pharma are one in the same. We will feed you shitty food and then give you a pill to feel better. It's all about the bottom line and I don't mean ours. There are some good books out there on this subject, Fast Food Nation and Fatland are a couple of good ones.

Anytime our government says they are doing something for the good of the American people, it is immediately suspect.

Girlfriends

I got together with my girlfriends yesterday for a litte holiday lunch and a gab fest. I met these women about twenty years ago at a former workplace. Our initial party outside of work was to meet our friends new boyfriend. It was a pretty good sized party with lots of drinking and dancing. It was such fun that we decided to do it at least once a month. The initial group eventually got whittled down to seven.

The sacred seven. It was only us girls and we could talk about anything. No judgement passing either. You could think what you wanted, but you better not say it. We ended up kicking one of the group out for this very thing. She tried to get back in, but once you violate the trust, you are out. Another girl moved to a different state and another just faded out. We are now four.

We have all been there for each other through marriages, divorces, deaths, kids and families. We can tell each other things we would never tell anyone else knowing it will go no further. Any problems, the girls will listen and offer advice, hugs, kisses and love. A shot or two of vodka also helps.

One of the girls has a daughter who is often included in our get togethers. She listens carefully to our conversations and hopefully she is picking up some good advice. Either that, or she thinks we are nuts. I imagine she will become part of the regular group. My daughter also joins us on occasion and it is always enjoyable to have her there. They often find out things about their Mom's they didn't know, and they must also adhere to the rules.

As I get older, I realize that the friendhips with our girlfriends are very powerful. They are unlike any other relationship as they are chosen and we work hard at maintaining them. We take trips together, go to drag bingo, celebrate birthdays, holidays and any other excuse to get together. We can't all always make it, but we are all there in spirit. We already have some things planned for the new year and I look forward to all of them.

Kitty, Tina and Cheryl, I love you girls more than you'll ever know and I am honored that you are my girlfriends.

Christmas Memories

We bought Ethan a really cool Lego Robotics set for Christmas this year. I think it will be one of the gifts he will remember for years to come. He took a robotics class at our local community college over the summer and has been talking about it ever since. It started me thinking about my own childhood Christmas memories.

My Dad was a big one for home movies. In those days, the 8mm movie camera had this HUGE light bar attached to it. If you looked directly into it, you couldn't see right for the next few hours. My Dad would keep telling us, look at the camera, get your hands out of your face. Looking at the movies now, you can see us trying to shield our eyes from the burn. There was no sound either, you can only imagine what was being said. Every year, they started with a pan of the tree, decorations and my Mom doing last minute wrappping or sewing. The decorations are totally 60's and would now be considered vintage. Great stuff.

A few weeks before Christmas, we would spend a weekend making cookies. My Mom made the best sugar cookies. She would roll out the dough, let us cut them out and then decorate. I think we got more on the floor than the cookies. Christmas music playing in the background, it was so much fun. She would use the leftover dough to make mini cinnamon rolls for us.

Christmas morning was a flurry of opening presents. It was always fun. Mom was inventive in the wrapping. One year, us girls all got new ruffled butt panties wrapped in a toilet paper tube, bunched and tied at the ends like a popper. One year we got dolls complete with baby carriages. Mom would make us new flannel nightgowns every year too. My older brother, being the only boy then, always got cool boy stuff. One year he got a dinosuar type toy that had flashing eyes and scared the crap out of my younger sister.

Family was always a big part of the festivities. Often, my Aunt, Uncle and cousins would come over. Everyone was dressed in their Christmas outfits, complete with Christmas aprons for the women. I have, and use, one of my Grandma's Christmas aprons. Dad's would drink and watch some sporting event and the kids would play, fight and generally have a good time. Sometimes, we'd go to my Grandma's house. Same events, different location.

The food was always good. Usually a big turkey with all the fixins was the main event. Once in awhile, it would be a ham. Stuffing, my Mom makes the best, mashed potates, sweet potatoes, cranberry out of the can, rolls and various other holiday only foods completed the meal. We always had to sit at the "kids" table. It was actually more fun. In the evening, we would have leftover turkey sandwiches.

As we got older things changed. Parents divorced and familes moved. As us kids became adults, we went on to make our own Christmas traditions with our own families. As our kids become adults, they will do the same. As Christmas and the New Year approach, make some memories of your own with the people you love, even if it does not involve a HUGE light bar.

What does a song remind you of?

Everytime I hear a song by Cat Stevens or Rod Stewart, it reminds me of a boyfriend I had in high school named Jerry Walters. I met Jerry when I was a freshman and he was a senior. I went to school one day with a friend and he was in her photography class. He was really cute and we hit it off.

Our first date was to the movie Young Frankenstein at the Century Theatre in San Jose. He was late in picking me up and as it turned out, he had hit a dog on his way over. Being the guy he was, he stopped, made sure the dog was okay and found it's family. Who couldn't like that?

Jerry lived in the next town from me so we didn't see each other on a daily basis, but often enough. He asked me to go to his senior prom and I proceeded to shop for a dress that matched his mint green tux. Those were the 70's for you. I went to the beauty parlor and got a hideous hairdo to match. After prom, we went to Pescadero Beach and got stuck in the sand. Jerry had to walk to a phone booth, no cells then, and call a tow truck to get us out. It was a memorable night. My Mom has the prom picture, enough said!

That summer, we spent alot of time together. My Mom would drop me off at his house on her way to work sometimes. He would make me grilled cheese sandwiches with Veleveeta cheese on white bread and we would watch All my Children. We also listened to alot of Cat Stevens and Rod Stewart. Jerry lived with his parents, actually his Mom and Uncle who had married after his Dad died. He had an older brother I never met. His parents were somewhat reserved, but nice enough.

Jerry and I got into a car accident in which his Toyota pickup was totalled. As we were flipping over and over, I kept thinking this can't be it. We walked away from that without a scratch. Those are the kind of experiences you have as a kid and don't realize the significance until later.

Jerry and I broke up later that year but remained friends. Not always an easy task as teenagers. I haven't seen Jerry for about thirty years. Last I heard, he had moved to Colorado. I hope his life has been full of happiness. He was truly one of the nicest people I have ever known.

Oh Baby, Baby, it's a wide world.........

The Holidays

I wished I liked this time of year more. I just don't. It's only the beginning of November and we are being innundated with Christmas already. It reminds me of the last few months before the elections. If I saw one more political commercial I'd scream!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are supposed to be about sharing and spending time with our families and friends. I never see that on sale. Just because you can buy authentic, gold rimmed "Elvis in Concert" limited edition plates for your loved one, doesn't mean you should. How about a snuggie for everyone at the office? Don't forget the matching ones for their dogs. Thankfully they are machine washable.

How come Chia pets are only sold at Christmas time? And, at a number of fine retailers. Nothing says Merry Christmas like greenery growing out of a sheep. There are all kinds of weird things that can only be purchased as gifts this time of year. How about a microwave pasta boat or a chop wizard? Remeber that stupid singing fish? Maybe some Christmas patterned Sham Wow's. I sure do miss Billy Mays.

Let's not forget the Christmas apparel. Tacky holiday sweater parties are all the rage these days. As you are perusing the local thrift store just remember that someone purchased that sweater new and wore it woth pride. Why, who knows. Why must we adorn ourselves with glitter, sequins, flashing lights, music and antlers? I have been known to wear Christmas jewelry, but it was a long time ago and I have since seen the error of my ways.

Ah, the food. I didn't know you could use Jello in so many different ways. The Holidays are bad casserole heaven. Most are put together with Campbell's soup and breadcrumbs of some sort. These food items are good for potlucks and there are never any leftovers. The cookies, pies and breads are tasty though. Although turkey is a Thanksgiving staple, it's usually not that great. It's best for sandwiches later.

Most family get togethers are rife with unresolved issues. This is a good time to get it all out in the open and see if it can be hashed out once and for all. This is a drinking game to be sure. How much or how little will determine the resolvability of the issues. I remember seeing this as a kid, but not really getting it. Times change, prople don't.

Hopefully, we will all do our part in this season of sharing. Lots of families are in need of just the basics and we can all help. A gift for Toys for Tots, the Sharing Trees, local food banks and let's not forget our seniors who are alone this time of year. For all of us sharing and caring is what it is all about.

One last comment, Paula Deen wll be the Grand Marshall for the Rose Parade, WTF?

Aging parents

Almost everyone I know is dealing with aging parents. The parents are in different stages of aging, some still independent, some not. Some of us live in close proximity to our parents, some of us don't. We are finding out things about our parents that we did not know. In talking with people about their parents, I am findng that alot of them have had crappy relationships and now don't want to take care of them. How could this be?

We now live in a time where young couples can live together without the bonds of matrimony. I have always encouraged my children to do so. I would find it very difficult to marry without the benefit of knowing how to live day to day with someone When I was a young woman, my Aunt encouraged me to live with my boyfriend before we got married. He might spit toothpaste all over the bathroom sink or wipe his ass on the sheets she said. Thankfully he did neither. She, as well as my parents, came from a time whe you did not live together before marriage. Once you did get married, the kids starting coming.

As I am finding out now, alot of these couples had no business being parents. It was what was expected and you did it. Religion also played a big role in this. Women were not encouraged to go to college, get a job, travel or anything else a young woman might do today. You were supposed to love having children and being a housewife. Many womwn did not, but didn't realize it until kid number three came along. Insead of growing up in a nurturing environment, alot of us grew up in a home filled with tension and unhappy parents. In some cases, we became the parents.

I don't think this is solely a gender issue. Men also became disillusioned by marriage and kids. What happened to that cute girl I married? No one ever told them that once baby came along, they were now number two. Alot of our Dads were not involved with us as kids except for the family vacation. It was the way things were and it was not questioned. Dad was not available. He was busy working a job he hated to provide for a family he may not really want. He drank alot.

We left home as soon as we could. We went to college, traveled and got jobs. We also had the choice of living with someone if we wanted to. Initially, this was frowned upon. I think alot of our parents wished that they had had this opportunity when they were younger. Perhaps they would have made better choices. We also had more of a choice about having children or not. We did marry, have children and hoped that we were nurturing parents. It's a hard job and we have all had those moments when going to the store for a carton of milk and not coming back sounded damn good.

Now as our aging parents need our help, alot of us are reluctant to do so. We never really liked them and now we are expected to take care of them? This is where selective memory kicks in. They have travelled through the moral car wash. They were good, supportive parents. They did the best they could. I'm sure they did and this is where the dilemma is. Can we forgive and forget long enough to get them through the end of life? Can we understand how the choices they had shaped them, thus shaping us? Can we rise above it and do the right thing?

I am fortunate to not be in this situation. I like my parents and would do whatever I needed to do for them. It is not without frustration at times, but so are all relationships. We will be the aging parents at some point, right?