What does a song remind you of?

Everytime I hear a song by Cat Stevens or Rod Stewart, it reminds me of a boyfriend I had in high school named Jerry Walters. I met Jerry when I was a freshman and he was a senior. I went to school one day with a friend and he was in her photography class. He was really cute and we hit it off.

Our first date was to the movie Young Frankenstein at the Century Theatre in San Jose. He was late in picking me up and as it turned out, he had hit a dog on his way over. Being the guy he was, he stopped, made sure the dog was okay and found it's family. Who couldn't like that?

Jerry lived in the next town from me so we didn't see each other on a daily basis, but often enough. He asked me to go to his senior prom and I proceeded to shop for a dress that matched his mint green tux. Those were the 70's for you. I went to the beauty parlor and got a hideous hairdo to match. After prom, we went to Pescadero Beach and got stuck in the sand. Jerry had to walk to a phone booth, no cells then, and call a tow truck to get us out. It was a memorable night. My Mom has the prom picture, enough said!

That summer, we spent alot of time together. My Mom would drop me off at his house on her way to work sometimes. He would make me grilled cheese sandwiches with Veleveeta cheese on white bread and we would watch All my Children. We also listened to alot of Cat Stevens and Rod Stewart. Jerry lived with his parents, actually his Mom and Uncle who had married after his Dad died. He had an older brother I never met. His parents were somewhat reserved, but nice enough.

Jerry and I got into a car accident in which his Toyota pickup was totalled. As we were flipping over and over, I kept thinking this can't be it. We walked away from that without a scratch. Those are the kind of experiences you have as a kid and don't realize the significance until later.

Jerry and I broke up later that year but remained friends. Not always an easy task as teenagers. I haven't seen Jerry for about thirty years. Last I heard, he had moved to Colorado. I hope his life has been full of happiness. He was truly one of the nicest people I have ever known.

Oh Baby, Baby, it's a wide world.........

The Holidays

I wished I liked this time of year more. I just don't. It's only the beginning of November and we are being innundated with Christmas already. It reminds me of the last few months before the elections. If I saw one more political commercial I'd scream!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are supposed to be about sharing and spending time with our families and friends. I never see that on sale. Just because you can buy authentic, gold rimmed "Elvis in Concert" limited edition plates for your loved one, doesn't mean you should. How about a snuggie for everyone at the office? Don't forget the matching ones for their dogs. Thankfully they are machine washable.

How come Chia pets are only sold at Christmas time? And, at a number of fine retailers. Nothing says Merry Christmas like greenery growing out of a sheep. There are all kinds of weird things that can only be purchased as gifts this time of year. How about a microwave pasta boat or a chop wizard? Remeber that stupid singing fish? Maybe some Christmas patterned Sham Wow's. I sure do miss Billy Mays.

Let's not forget the Christmas apparel. Tacky holiday sweater parties are all the rage these days. As you are perusing the local thrift store just remember that someone purchased that sweater new and wore it woth pride. Why, who knows. Why must we adorn ourselves with glitter, sequins, flashing lights, music and antlers? I have been known to wear Christmas jewelry, but it was a long time ago and I have since seen the error of my ways.

Ah, the food. I didn't know you could use Jello in so many different ways. The Holidays are bad casserole heaven. Most are put together with Campbell's soup and breadcrumbs of some sort. These food items are good for potlucks and there are never any leftovers. The cookies, pies and breads are tasty though. Although turkey is a Thanksgiving staple, it's usually not that great. It's best for sandwiches later.

Most family get togethers are rife with unresolved issues. This is a good time to get it all out in the open and see if it can be hashed out once and for all. This is a drinking game to be sure. How much or how little will determine the resolvability of the issues. I remember seeing this as a kid, but not really getting it. Times change, prople don't.

Hopefully, we will all do our part in this season of sharing. Lots of families are in need of just the basics and we can all help. A gift for Toys for Tots, the Sharing Trees, local food banks and let's not forget our seniors who are alone this time of year. For all of us sharing and caring is what it is all about.

One last comment, Paula Deen wll be the Grand Marshall for the Rose Parade, WTF?

Aging parents

Almost everyone I know is dealing with aging parents. The parents are in different stages of aging, some still independent, some not. Some of us live in close proximity to our parents, some of us don't. We are finding out things about our parents that we did not know. In talking with people about their parents, I am findng that alot of them have had crappy relationships and now don't want to take care of them. How could this be?

We now live in a time where young couples can live together without the bonds of matrimony. I have always encouraged my children to do so. I would find it very difficult to marry without the benefit of knowing how to live day to day with someone When I was a young woman, my Aunt encouraged me to live with my boyfriend before we got married. He might spit toothpaste all over the bathroom sink or wipe his ass on the sheets she said. Thankfully he did neither. She, as well as my parents, came from a time whe you did not live together before marriage. Once you did get married, the kids starting coming.

As I am finding out now, alot of these couples had no business being parents. It was what was expected and you did it. Religion also played a big role in this. Women were not encouraged to go to college, get a job, travel or anything else a young woman might do today. You were supposed to love having children and being a housewife. Many womwn did not, but didn't realize it until kid number three came along. Insead of growing up in a nurturing environment, alot of us grew up in a home filled with tension and unhappy parents. In some cases, we became the parents.

I don't think this is solely a gender issue. Men also became disillusioned by marriage and kids. What happened to that cute girl I married? No one ever told them that once baby came along, they were now number two. Alot of our Dads were not involved with us as kids except for the family vacation. It was the way things were and it was not questioned. Dad was not available. He was busy working a job he hated to provide for a family he may not really want. He drank alot.

We left home as soon as we could. We went to college, traveled and got jobs. We also had the choice of living with someone if we wanted to. Initially, this was frowned upon. I think alot of our parents wished that they had had this opportunity when they were younger. Perhaps they would have made better choices. We also had more of a choice about having children or not. We did marry, have children and hoped that we were nurturing parents. It's a hard job and we have all had those moments when going to the store for a carton of milk and not coming back sounded damn good.

Now as our aging parents need our help, alot of us are reluctant to do so. We never really liked them and now we are expected to take care of them? This is where selective memory kicks in. They have travelled through the moral car wash. They were good, supportive parents. They did the best they could. I'm sure they did and this is where the dilemma is. Can we forgive and forget long enough to get them through the end of life? Can we understand how the choices they had shaped them, thus shaping us? Can we rise above it and do the right thing?

I am fortunate to not be in this situation. I like my parents and would do whatever I needed to do for them. It is not without frustration at times, but so are all relationships. We will be the aging parents at some point, right?