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50ish gal who views the world with a bit of cynicism. Our world is full of hilarity at every turn, and I feel the need to express my views on it. Others may think it, I say it.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Help

I was listening to the radio in my car today and there was an advertisement for a swanky wedding venue. I imagine with all the Christmas marriage proposals, this makes sense. A summer outdoor wedding will be lovely!

Several years ago, hubby and I worked part time for a caterer. Easy work, decent money. We did LOTS of weddings, and when you are the HELP, you are invisible and see and hear some interesting things.

Mermaid wedding dresses should only be worn by a svelte woman. A huge butt only looks huger, is that a word?, in one of these gowns. It must also be low cut so that everyone can enjoy the brides boobs as much as the groom. Bridesmaids dresses are usually hideous too. The best I ever saw were long sleeved, high-necked forest green velvet. It was a fall wedding in October that happened to be held on one of the hottest days of the year. The idea was good, the reality not so much. Those poor gals were heatstroking and the bride was pissed that they were not all cheery and smiling. The wedding cake melted and it was overall a mess. It was fun to watch the bride, her Mom and Mom-in-Law snap out. Brides also tended to eat like pigs at their weddings. I remember several saying they had dieted to get into the dress and now that they were married, they were going to eat.

At another wedding, as we were getting the food ready during the wedding ceremonty I went to use the restroom. The bathroom door was locked. As I was waiting, out of the bathroom came a couple all red faced and disheveled. Normally, I would think, great! how fun to have a little tryst at a wedding. But, the couple who came out of the bathroom were not there with each other. They both had other dates. They walked right past me like I wasn't there. Of course I told my co-workers and they wouldn't look at any of us for the rest of the party.

We also did several hospital Christmas parties. Everyone dressed in their finest sequins and furs. I didn't know women wore furs anymore. I obviously don't run in the right circles. These parties were always full of office flirtations fueled by alcohol. The cute nurses and doctors giving each other the eye and the wives clutching their arms tighter. He's mine! We would come upon couples groping in the hallways, bathrooms and parking lots. They always acted like they didn't see us, but we saw them.

Weddings are always a good time to hash out a family feud. We witnessed many arguments and snubs. These are drinking games. The more they drank the more pissed someone got about some imaginary thing and fists would fly. Not to be remembered the next day of course. Families of the wedding party also don't always get along. The bride or groom is not good enough for the other. The Mom does not mind telling you either. Have a few more drinks.

I always thought if would be interesting to follow these couples and see where they were in five years. Were they really meant to be or was a big white wedding and party what they were looking for? Since we were only the HELP, we could only make up our own stories with the little we had observed. But boy, did we observe!