About Me

My photo
50ish gal who views the world with a bit of cynicism. Our world is full of hilarity at every turn, and I feel the need to express my views on it. Others may think it, I say it.


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Our Government at Work

The media is reporting that the USDA will now be required to put nutrition information on meat. Is it news to anyone that meat has high fat and cholesterol content? Our government wants to help all of us hapless Americans fight obesity. We are so lucky they are looking our for us!

This is such bullshit. If the government wanted to help Americans fight obesity, they would shut down the food, and I use that term loosely, manufacturers that are poisoning us with their products. How many of us know, really know, what the ingredients/additives are in this so called food?

Here are a few of my favorites.
Citric acids for a sour taste. Why? If it's supposed to be sour then it should be naturally.
Phosphates, to help food flow easily. Flow from where? To where? It seems that if food doesn't flow through your body naturally, then it probably doesn't belong there. We all have enough digestive issues.
Oxystearin prevents excessive frothing. Does this mean if you get bit by a rabid animal after consuming a product with this additive, you won't foam at the mouth?
Guar Gum adds bulk and I don't mean in a fiber way.
Glazing agents/waxes give a polished appearance. But what is it doing for the inside of our bodies? Polish is for brass, silver and shoes, not our intestines.
Glycerol is a solvent. Solvents are used in auto shops, metal fabrication and refining. They have no place in our food.
High fructose corn syrup. It is the worst and it is in everything. Why does all of our food need to have a sweetener?

These additives, and many more are being produced in a laboratory. They are by no means a natural occuring substance anywhere on the planet. Food additives are used to make our food taste good and to get us addicted to the fat and sugar content. It is no different than alcohol or tobacco.

Portion size also plays a big role in this. Why does everything need to be supersized? Who came up with that term? A McDonalds executive named David Wallerstein. There's a big surprise. Even though McDonalds phased out supersize in 2004, they did not reduce the portion size that went along with. Nor did the other big chains. Imagine the riot at McDonalds if they served you a smaller burger.

I realize that the food manufacturers and big pharma are one in the same. We will feed you shitty food and then give you a pill to feel better. It's all about the bottom line and I don't mean ours. There are some good books out there on this subject, Fast Food Nation and Fatland are a couple of good ones.

Anytime our government says they are doing something for the good of the American people, it is immediately suspect.

Monday, December 20, 2010


I got together with my girlfriends yesterday for a litte holiday lunch and a gab fest. I met these women about twenty years ago at a former workplace. Our initial party outside of work was to meet our friends new boyfriend. It was a pretty good sized party with lots of drinking and dancing. It was such fun that we decided to do it at least once a month. The initial group eventually got whittled down to seven.

The sacred seven. It was only us girls and we could talk about anything. No judgement passing either. You could think what you wanted, but you better not say it. We ended up kicking one of the group out for this very thing. She tried to get back in, but once you violate the trust, you are out. Another girl moved to a different state and another just faded out. We are now four.

We have all been there for each other through marriages, divorces, deaths, kids and families. We can tell each other things we would never tell anyone else knowing it will go no further. Any problems, the girls will listen and offer advice, hugs, kisses and love. A shot or two of vodka also helps.

One of the girls has a daughter who is often included in our get togethers. She listens carefully to our conversations and hopefully she is picking up some good advice. Either that, or she thinks we are nuts. I imagine she will become part of the regular group. My daughter also joins us on occasion and it is always enjoyable to have her there. They often find out things about their Mom's they didn't know, and they must also adhere to the rules.

As I get older, I realize that the friendhips with our girlfriends are very powerful. They are unlike any other relationship as they are chosen and we work hard at maintaining them. We take trips together, go to drag bingo, celebrate birthdays, holidays and any other excuse to get together. We can't all always make it, but we are all there in spirit. We already have some things planned for the new year and I look forward to all of them.

Kitty, Tina and Cheryl, I love you girls more than you'll ever know and I am honored that you are my girlfriends.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Christmas Memories

We bought Ethan a really cool Lego Robotics set for Christmas this year. I think it will be one of the gifts he will remember for years to come. He took a robotics class at our local community college over the summer and has been talking about it ever since. It started me thinking about my own childhood Christmas memories.

My Dad was a big one for home movies. In those days, the 8mm movie camera had this HUGE light bar attached to it. If you looked directly into it, you couldn't see right for the next few hours. My Dad would keep telling us, look at the camera, get your hands out of your face. Looking at the movies now, you can see us trying to shield our eyes from the burn. There was no sound either, you can only imagine what was being said. Every year, they started with a pan of the tree, decorations and my Mom doing last minute wrappping or sewing. The decorations are totally 60's and would now be considered vintage. Great stuff.

A few weeks before Christmas, we would spend a weekend making cookies. My Mom made the best sugar cookies. She would roll out the dough, let us cut them out and then decorate. I think we got more on the floor than the cookies. Christmas music playing in the background, it was so much fun. She would use the leftover dough to make mini cinnamon rolls for us.

Christmas morning was a flurry of opening presents. It was always fun. Mom was inventive in the wrapping. One year, us girls all got new ruffled butt panties wrapped in a toilet paper tube, bunched and tied at the ends like a popper. One year we got dolls complete with baby carriages. Mom would make us new flannel nightgowns every year too. My older brother, being the only boy then, always got cool boy stuff. One year he got a dinosuar type toy that had flashing eyes and scared the crap out of my younger sister.

Family was always a big part of the festivities. Often, my Aunt, Uncle and cousins would come over. Everyone was dressed in their Christmas outfits, complete with Christmas aprons for the women. I have, and use, one of my Grandma's Christmas aprons. Dad's would drink and watch some sporting event and the kids would play, fight and generally have a good time. Sometimes, we'd go to my Grandma's house. Same events, different location.

The food was always good. Usually a big turkey with all the fixins was the main event. Once in awhile, it would be a ham. Stuffing, my Mom makes the best, mashed potates, sweet potatoes, cranberry out of the can, rolls and various other holiday only foods completed the meal. We always had to sit at the "kids" table. It was actually more fun. In the evening, we would have leftover turkey sandwiches.

As we got older things changed. Parents divorced and familes moved. As us kids became adults, we went on to make our own Christmas traditions with our own families. As our kids become adults, they will do the same. As Christmas and the New Year approach, make some memories of your own with the people you love, even if it does not involve a HUGE light bar.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What does a song remind you of?

Everytime I hear a song by Cat Stevens or Rod Stewart, it reminds me of a boyfriend I had in high school named Jerry Walters. I met Jerry when I was a freshman and he was a senior. I went to school one day with a friend and he was in her photography class. He was really cute and we hit it off.

Our first date was to the movie Young Frankenstein at the Century Theatre in San Jose. He was late in picking me up and as it turned out, he had hit a dog on his way over. Being the guy he was, he stopped, made sure the dog was okay and found it's family. Who couldn't like that?

Jerry lived in the next town from me so we didn't see each other on a daily basis, but often enough. He asked me to go to his senior prom and I proceeded to shop for a dress that matched his mint green tux. Those were the 70's for you. I went to the beauty parlor and got a hideous hairdo to match. After prom, we went to Pescadero Beach and got stuck in the sand. Jerry had to walk to a phone booth, no cells then, and call a tow truck to get us out. It was a memorable night. My Mom has the prom picture, enough said!

That summer, we spent alot of time together. My Mom would drop me off at his house on her way to work sometimes. He would make me grilled cheese sandwiches with Veleveeta cheese on white bread and we would watch All my Children. We also listened to alot of Cat Stevens and Rod Stewart. Jerry lived with his parents, actually his Mom and Uncle who had married after his Dad died. He had an older brother I never met. His parents were somewhat reserved, but nice enough.

Jerry and I got into a car accident in which his Toyota pickup was totalled. As we were flipping over and over, I kept thinking this can't be it. We walked away from that without a scratch. Those are the kind of experiences you have as a kid and don't realize the significance until later.

Jerry and I broke up later that year but remained friends. Not always an easy task as teenagers. I haven't seen Jerry for about thirty years. Last I heard, he had moved to Colorado. I hope his life has been full of happiness. He was truly one of the nicest people I have ever known.

Oh Baby, Baby, it's a wide world.........

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Holidays

I wished I liked this time of year more. I just don't. It's only the beginning of November and we are being innundated with Christmas already. It reminds me of the last few months before the elections. If I saw one more political commercial I'd scream!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are supposed to be about sharing and spending time with our families and friends. I never see that on sale. Just because you can buy authentic, gold rimmed "Elvis in Concert" limited edition plates for your loved one, doesn't mean you should. How about a snuggie for everyone at the office? Don't forget the matching ones for their dogs. Thankfully they are machine washable.

How come Chia pets are only sold at Christmas time? And, at a number of fine retailers. Nothing says Merry Christmas like greenery growing out of a sheep. There are all kinds of weird things that can only be purchased as gifts this time of year. How about a microwave pasta boat or a chop wizard? Remeber that stupid singing fish? Maybe some Christmas patterned Sham Wow's. I sure do miss Billy Mays.

Let's not forget the Christmas apparel. Tacky holiday sweater parties are all the rage these days. As you are perusing the local thrift store just remember that someone purchased that sweater new and wore it woth pride. Why, who knows. Why must we adorn ourselves with glitter, sequins, flashing lights, music and antlers? I have been known to wear Christmas jewelry, but it was a long time ago and I have since seen the error of my ways.

Ah, the food. I didn't know you could use Jello in so many different ways. The Holidays are bad casserole heaven. Most are put together with Campbell's soup and breadcrumbs of some sort. These food items are good for potlucks and there are never any leftovers. The cookies, pies and breads are tasty though. Although turkey is a Thanksgiving staple, it's usually not that great. It's best for sandwiches later.

Most family get togethers are rife with unresolved issues. This is a good time to get it all out in the open and see if it can be hashed out once and for all. This is a drinking game to be sure. How much or how little will determine the resolvability of the issues. I remember seeing this as a kid, but not really getting it. Times change, prople don't.

Hopefully, we will all do our part in this season of sharing. Lots of families are in need of just the basics and we can all help. A gift for Toys for Tots, the Sharing Trees, local food banks and let's not forget our seniors who are alone this time of year. For all of us sharing and caring is what it is all about.

One last comment, Paula Deen wll be the Grand Marshall for the Rose Parade, WTF?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Aging parents

Almost everyone I know is dealing with aging parents. The parents are in different stages of aging, some still independent, some not. Some of us live in close proximity to our parents, some of us don't. We are finding out things about our parents that we did not know. In talking with people about their parents, I am findng that alot of them have had crappy relationships and now don't want to take care of them. How could this be?

We now live in a time where young couples can live together without the bonds of matrimony. I have always encouraged my children to do so. I would find it very difficult to marry without the benefit of knowing how to live day to day with someone When I was a young woman, my Aunt encouraged me to live with my boyfriend before we got married. He might spit toothpaste all over the bathroom sink or wipe his ass on the sheets she said. Thankfully he did neither. She, as well as my parents, came from a time whe you did not live together before marriage. Once you did get married, the kids starting coming.

As I am finding out now, alot of these couples had no business being parents. It was what was expected and you did it. Religion also played a big role in this. Women were not encouraged to go to college, get a job, travel or anything else a young woman might do today. You were supposed to love having children and being a housewife. Many womwn did not, but didn't realize it until kid number three came along. Insead of growing up in a nurturing environment, alot of us grew up in a home filled with tension and unhappy parents. In some cases, we became the parents.

I don't think this is solely a gender issue. Men also became disillusioned by marriage and kids. What happened to that cute girl I married? No one ever told them that once baby came along, they were now number two. Alot of our Dads were not involved with us as kids except for the family vacation. It was the way things were and it was not questioned. Dad was not available. He was busy working a job he hated to provide for a family he may not really want. He drank alot.

We left home as soon as we could. We went to college, traveled and got jobs. We also had the choice of living with someone if we wanted to. Initially, this was frowned upon. I think alot of our parents wished that they had had this opportunity when they were younger. Perhaps they would have made better choices. We also had more of a choice about having children or not. We did marry, have children and hoped that we were nurturing parents. It's a hard job and we have all had those moments when going to the store for a carton of milk and not coming back sounded damn good.

Now as our aging parents need our help, alot of us are reluctant to do so. We never really liked them and now we are expected to take care of them? This is where selective memory kicks in. They have travelled through the moral car wash. They were good, supportive parents. They did the best they could. I'm sure they did and this is where the dilemma is. Can we forgive and forget long enough to get them through the end of life? Can we understand how the choices they had shaped them, thus shaping us? Can we rise above it and do the right thing?

I am fortunate to not be in this situation. I like my parents and would do whatever I needed to do for them. It is not without frustration at times, but so are all relationships. We will be the aging parents at some point, right?

Monday, October 25, 2010

What is really important?

I was watching a news piece last night about unemployment in our country, with the focus being on Silicon Valley. I live in California, in a small town and while I know lots of people who have lost jobs, I don't see the same devestation.

Every one of those people had a college education, many had master degrees and Ph.d's. They had been working some very high powered and high paying jobs that were associated with the high tech or financial sector. Some directly, some indirectly and all very well paid. Along with the good pay were very long work hours.

With the money comes things. Houses, cars, clothes, vacations, etc. For most people, if you are making upwards of $400,000 a year, you are not going to be living in a modest 3 bedroom, 2 bath house. We are conditioned to spend every last cent we have on material possesions. Do we really need these possesions?

Consuming is a mask for our real discontent with where we are in life. I went to college, got a good job, got married, have 2.5 kids, a big house, new cars, lots of toys and go on vacation every year. I am leveraged up to the hilt. The American dream right? Now, I am unemployed. Bye bye savings, college funds and 401k's.

So what are the new job prospects? Target, Starbucks, Walmart, etc. Other that the huge disparity in pay, I don't see this as a bad thing. You meet people from every walk of life and that in itself is eye opening, and you may learn a few things about yourself and others. It will give people a chance to reconnect with family and friends. These are the times when you find out who is who.

Having to give up our lifestyle and live outside our comfort zone is very scary. Less is more is a hard concept for most people. Life is all about change and new experiences, although we would like to be the ones making those decisions. I hope some of these people will embrace the change and it will be a positive experience for them.

We all need to do our part to make sure we are all taken care of. If this means volunteering, donating to our local food bank, or any number of other things, then do it. But for the Grace of God Go I.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Where did you expect to be at 50?

WHEW! It's finally over, my fiftieth birthday. Come and gone without too much fanfare. Just as I wanted it. I got a great card, some candles and my favorite Crabtree and Evelyon Rose Lotion from my little boy. I heard from my adult children, my sister and my Mom, so that made it a good birthday. Is my life where I expected it to be at 50?

When we were little girls, we were going to be princesses. There was no age requirement for this job. We were also going to be a bride someday in a big, white, poufy dress marrying a handsome and wildy successful man. Dreams die hard don't they? Somewhere around thirteen or so, real life starts to creep in and you realize that the princess route is probably not going to happen. I don't think Grace Kelly enjoyed it much either. My Grandparents weren't fifty yet, it certainly was not on my radar.

High school was a tortuous experience for me. An unwanted pregnancy, and adoption, at fifteen was not my idea of heaven. To my parents, this made me damaged goods and when my boyfriend proposed to me at sixteen, they were grateful. I was too young and stupid to realize this wasn't a good idea. Never did they encourage me to go to college or anything else for that matter. As far as they were concerned, one bad decision would steer the rest of my life. Fifty was still a long time away.

I graduated from high school early and left home to try to decide what I was going to do. Had a few relationships, joined the Navy and had another baby. This one I got to keep. The love you feel looking at that little face for the first time, nothing like it! My high school sweetheart came back into the picture and we decided to make a go of it. We moved to Hawaii for the last few years of his navy career, and it was fun. We had nothing and life was good! I was still in my twenties, who could think of fifty?

We came home with a new addition to our family and I was a stay at home Mom while my husband worked and went to school. I finally ventured out to the real world when my daughter started kindergarten. It was great having adult conversations and interaction. Really liked my job and was there for a long time. The kids grew, we grew and eventually grew apart. I don't think we realized then how important it was to keep a family together. Only now, as my kids are adults, do I get their feedback on this. I royally fucked it up for them. Still not thinking about fifty.

I found out alot about myself after my marriage ended. I found out that I am intelligent, and while not formaly educated, certainly self educated. I discovered lots of things I am interested in, let go of alot of shit I'm not and try to spend as much time as I can helpng others. Starting to think about fifty.

My kids grew up and started their own lives. It's fun watcing them venture through young adulthood. I got married again and while it's not always peachy, we are friends first. We also have a little one who came to us in an unexpected way, and I don't care if it kills me, we will keep our family intact. I already learned that lesson. Thinking of fifty.

So here I am, fifty. I have a great family, a fairly sucessful business in the town I live in and some very good friends. It's not the destination, it's the journey. It's been a pretty good one. Now for sixty........

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Dressing the part

Do you ever notice that certain events or activities require a uniform? No matter how ridiculous or hideous it may look, it is required. Or so people think.

I like the bicyclists. Professional athletes aside, most people look ridiclous in bike shorts. Any given Saturday or Sunday morning, your local Starbucks is full of them in all their glory and snootyness. A few months ago, we were taking the ferry from Larkspur to SF and it was full of cyclists. One gentleman in particlar, who was quite portly, chose the outside deck right beside where we were standing to do his stretching exercises. It was a shocking sight on many different levels, the look on the faces of my husband and nine year old were priceless. If you are a woman with a large behind, bike shorts are not a good look, black or not.

We live in the "Wine Country", a joke to us locals, a snoot fest to those visiting. It is beautiful and I am thankful everyday that I am lucky enoguh to live here. Those touring for a long summer weekend are the "Linen Set". Lots and lots of white linen in every form of clothing you can imagine. Large brim hats finish off this look. These people are very important and should be treated as such. During the fall months, the Linen Set reverts to LL Bean or J Crew. Either will do.

Sporting events have their own uniforms. These change depending on where you are or what team you are a fan of. Jerseys, hat of all sorts, t-shirts and team jackets are a must. You can tell the uber fan who is dressed and painted head to toe in team colors. If you show up to a sporting event in only a team t-shirt or just a hat, your fan loyalty is immediately suspect and you may be subjected to ridicule or worse. If you can't bring yourself to wear something team oriented, it's best to stay home.

Workout clothing often doubles as errand clothing. Why not go to the grocery store, dry cleaners, Starbucks, etc right after you have worked out? No one will notice the sweat stains under your boobs, right? Wrong. These outfits are right up there with bike shorts. It's great that you work out or do yoga. If you must run errands, do it before you work out, please.

I guess you have to ask yourself, are you a sheeple or a cool unique individual who dresses to please themselves?

Monday, August 23, 2010

My former Brother-in-Law

I got a call yesterday from my daughter informing me that her Uncle, my former brother-in-law, passed away on Saturday night. Very unexpectedley. He was only forty eight. Though I have not seen him in several years, my kids would mention things from time to time about what he was doing or where he was living.

My former husband was my high school sweetheart, so by default, we all went to school together. My sisters and his brothers. By the time I was a junior in high school, I had my drivers license and a car. My husband (not yet), was off in boot camp and then off to Chicago for school. I would pick up his brother, a freshman, every day for a ride to school. He would get in the back seat with his carnation instant breakfast and off we would go. Sometimes, we had my cousin or another girlfriend with us. He was very quiet and always grateful for the ride and I was happy to do it.

As a young married couple, my brother-in-law would come over, spend weekends, play with the kids, re-connect with this brother. Those were good times for all of us. We would also see him at family holiday dinners at the in-laws house. Those were not quite as fun, as my in-laws did not like me. I never really knew why, I suppose they thought I was beneath them in some way. Vodka helped those times!

The husband and I did not stay married, although I am happy to say, we are still friendly. Subsequently, I lost contact with my brother-in-law. Last time I saw him, he was friendly and we chatted a bit. He moved to a different state and was married to a woman I never met, but understand they were happy together. That's all you can hope for. I am sad to hear of his passing, because to me he will always be that fourteen year old kid drinking carnation instant breakfast in the back seat of my car.

Goodbye Jim, you will be missed.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Totally Random

Haven't blogged for awhile, been busy with life and, well, life....Got a reminder to do so, so here goes. No rhyme or reason to this one, just as the title says, totally random.

Relationships are hard for sure. Husband, kids, parents, siblings, you get the drift. Just got back from a family visit with all the aforementioned except the husband. He chose to go fishing. Good choice! It's hard to see the parents aging, one more so than the other. It turns the other one into a hoverer (is that a word?) and a worrier. I wonder if that will be me someday. Maybe that's what I'm worried about. Do you ever wonder it you and your siblings grew up in the same household?

I've been reading a great blog lately called Channeling Erik. It's made me think a bit more about what we are doing here and why. I've always been interested in the spiritual and I believe we have all been around before. Have you ever met someone and it hits you instantly that you know this person? Is life really about the progression of our souls? Lot's of questions in my head lately. I have some reading to do.

For the past three months, my friends and I have been going to drag bingo, The Sisters of Pepetual Indulgence, all drag queens, put on a monthly bingo game for charity. It is a gas! The bingo hall is packed and some cute young man gets chosen to be the dauber boy. A dollar gets you a chance to put a dauber mark on his naked chest. A few months ago, it was a young man I know. For all of us 40-50ish gals, this is a highlight. The Sisters do a tremendous amount for the community food bank, children, seniors and schools. I am going again next Saturday night. Can't wait.

I love to shop at thrift stores. Finding a cashmere sweater for three bucks is such a thrill. Paying a hundred dollars or more is not. I used to do it out of neccesity, now I do it for the treasure hunt. It also allows me to have a raincoat in every color. At five bucks a pop, why not? And, if you only wear something once, no big deal. Kids clothes are a good bargain too. My son is at an age where jeans are all ripped in the knees, but t-shirts, sweatshirts and jackets are plentiful. I draw the line at underwear.

I am dying to buy a Le Cruset large covered skillet. I have a couple of the covered dutch ovens and I LOVE them and use them all the time. I've been waffling back and forth for several months. Sur La Table always has a great display with the newest colors when you walk in the door. Turquoise, Aubergine, Apple Green, etc. I look at cookwear as a tool and good tools give good results. I guess if I don't spend money on clothes, I can justify spending a hundred bucks or so on a piece of cookwear. Stay tuned.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Good news

We live in a world that is driven by fear. The sky is falling and there's not a thing you can do about it except be scared. The more frightened you are, the more you will consume. This is actually a fact.

There should be, for six months, only good news being reported. Imagine picking up the newspaper in the morning and reading that the local food pantry met it's goal for the year. Perhaps we could read about how the little league team played a great game last night. Instead, it's crime, politics and many other unsavory subjects. If this is all we are exposed to, how would you expect us to behave?

The lead story should be about the boy scouts painting the house of an elderly couple. Habitat for Humanity does great things all the time as does Hospice, Meals on Wheels, St. Vincent de Paul, Goodwill, Salvation Army and many other small local organizations. These services provide the basics for alot of people in our communities. Why are we not hearing this on a daily basis? IT IS HAPPENING ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Would you really rather hear the lurid details about a child murder? Aren't you sick of the government ineptness, both local and federal? The fear factor numbs us as a society and we just tune out altogether. Just trying to navigate through the downer that our lives are, according to the media, is exhausting. Controlling the masses via fear is not a new concept. Tha Catholic Church has been doing it for years, and you see how well that's worked out.

If all we were exposed to was good news, we would be so much more optimistic. Life should be full of happiness, good relationships and love. We need to celebrate all the good things that are going on around us on a daily basis and make our own good news. We will be so much better for it.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Family get togethers

Now that summer is upon us, it will surely bring all those family weddings, reunions, BBQ's and other assorted reasons for families to get together. For some people, the mere thought of this is a reason to binge drink.

The wedding of some obscure relative is always great. I don't understand the need to send out invitations to all relatives, especially when you would never dream of socializing with them at any other time. There is always some real or imagined family feud going on and what better setting than your wedding to hash it out? Drinks are mandatory for this wedding game. There is the relative who loves to dance and, with not one shred of rhythym in their whole body, is tearing up the dance floor. There is the alcoholic relative who usually pukes and passes out. They are assigned a "babysitter" for the occasion and if the babysitter is smart, they will make sure they pass out early. Elope to Vegas, it'll be more fun.

The family reunion is a fun event too. A family commitee is appointed to contact everyone, send out invites, coordinate food, etc. The head of this commitee is the most type A gal in the family. On the appointed day, she will show up dressed in a pink and green outfit, with all the matching accessories. Her kids will be coordinated and hubby will be wearng a pink shirt as well. Despite the facade, she is living on the ragged edge of stress. The appointed BBQ ers will be arguing over the best method for cooking the meat. This is also an occasion to hash out the family feud and again, it's a drinking game. You see family member you barely remember and have nothing in commom with. Thankfully, these events take place only once every ten years.

Summer BBQ's always add a much needed diversion from the boredom of summer. Let'a all get together during a heatwave and cook food over an open fire. Thank god there's alot of cold beer to start drinking at ten in the morning. A shot or six of booze in between beers and you are good to go. Usually one of the kids get stung by a bee, falls down and crack their head open or beats the crap out of one of their cousins. We all have these great memories. It also give all the women in the family an opportunity to gossip about other family members. You can always tell they are talking about you if, when you look over at them, they all smile and wave.

We can look at these events in a couple of diffrent ways. They can be a total drag or, a great source of entertaiment. We already know what to expect since we tend to repeat certain behaviors once we are with our families. And, admit it, some are just downright entertaining. The drunken uncle who insists he can hit the softball further that anyone else. He almost made the majors you know. At least one women will be inappropriately dressed. A string bikini after fifty is not a good look no matter what, but hey, you go girl. The best thing to be at any of these types of get togethers is a guest. No relation to this family whatsoever. You just might say to youself, "WOW, my family looks pretty good".

Monday, June 7, 2010

There's a pill for that

Got a hangnail? There's a pill for that! Never mind those nasty side effects, smooth fingers are yours!

The marketing of pharmacueticals is crazy. How many laboratories are located within an aquarium? The researchers gaze fondly upon the fish, so relaxing it is, as they come up with a new, and here's the surprise, fish oil based drug. WOW!!! Where do you suppose the intestinal drug lab is?

If you have bladder problems, no worries. The side effects for that pill is dry mouth, making you want to drink more water and have to pee more. Isn't that what you wanted to avoid in the first place? I don't get it. How about Viagra? Is there really more erectile dysfunction than before? The answer is no. Viagra was initially used for heart patients and one of the side effects was a hard on. Imagine that! It's side effects include an erection lasting more than four hours. Tell your doctor right away. Then what? As a woman, I don't want your erection lasting more than an hour thank you very much.

Are you depressed? Well there are various pills you can take for that. You may have thoughts of killing you whole family or commiting suicide, but if you do, tell your doctor right sway. Then what? A visit to the psych ward? No, we'll try you on another pill until we get it right. By then you may be beyond help, but, there's a pill for that.

Do you suffer from indigestion, acid reflux or diahrrea? Do you ever think it's from the food you eat? And, has it ever occured to you that the food manufacturers and the big pharma corporations are one in the same? We'll feed you crap to make you sick and then we will give you a pill to make it better. Double dipping at it's best!

And last but not least, diet pills. Take Hydroxycut and you will lose three hundred pounds in a week. You don't even have to change your diet. The amount of money that the "diet supplement" industry generates is huge. I love ALII. One of it's side effects is oily anal discharge. WTF?? Don't fart, it could be dangerous. I know the best way to slim down and it's free and easy. Eat less and move more. It works every time.

I know there are some very real physical and mental health problems people suffer from. There are also some very good medications to treat those problems. I know a doctor who tells me that hs patients come in to see him demanding medication for some random condition they think they have. After all, they saw it on TV and they need it. Take an aspirin and call me in the morning.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Ten super hot tricks.........really?

"Ten super hot sex tricks your man wants but won't ask for", screams from the cover of COSMO or any number of women's magazines. How about "One hundred ways to keep him interested FOREVER"? Perhaps "Sexy dressing for any body type". Really? Who has time for this?

Most women are working forty plus hours a week, commuting, taking care of children and running a household. Super hot sex tricks or sleep? What do you think? And maybe you don't want to keep him interested. Notice that you never see anything that says "How to get rid of that prick in ten easy steps". According to these magazines, we need to hang onto our man at ANY cost.

Do you dress "sexy" no matter what your body type? Inappropriate dressing is just that. Just because you can get it on does not mean you should or that it looks good. Do you own a full length mirror? Most of us are lucky to find something clean, hemmed and with all the buttons. Do you slip into a slinky nightie or boxers and a t-shirt? Let me guess.

We subject ourselves to BOTOX, implants, liposuction and all kids of other ridiculous crap for the perception of youth. I'm going to take out s second mortgage on my house because I NEED bigger boobs. If you ask any man if he would subject his dick to plastic surgery, the answer is a resounding NO FUCKING WAY! Your natural wrinkles, worry and smile lines are a testament to a life well lived. Embrace it.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Celebrity obsessed?

OMG what's the real story with Brangelina and Jen? You know Brad and Jen are going to get back together, but alas, she'll be barren, driving him right back into Angie's arms. How about Linds or Brit Brit? Drug rehab? The nut farm? or, gasp! both?

When did we become so obsessed with celebrity? And, what really is a celebrity? According to Websters it is "the state of being celebrated" or "famous or celebrated". Since when did inappropriate, trashy behavior become something to be celebrated?

I realize that most tabloids are just that and to be taken with a grain of salt. What is most amusing is that some people view this as the truth and spend hours reading and talking about it as if these celebrities are their friends or family. Would you like to have a group of sisters like the Kardashians? And what are they famous for? I think I heard something about a big ass and a sex tape. I have two sisters, and while we would iike to be like the K sisters, we can't agree on who gets to be the pregnant one.

I also find it ridiculous that celebrities are the authority on how to conduct one's life. Where does this knowledge come from? A college education? I know, it's all the alcohol and drug fueled parties that provide those wonderful life experiences that we should hope to emulate. And the fashion. I don't know anyone who dresses like that or would want to. There is such a thing as age apporpriate dressing. If a celebrity is sporting a piece of clothing, a handbag or a pair of shoes, it is automatically all the rage and you must obtain it as quick as possible no matter the cost. You will be a better person for it.

There are many famous people who stay out of the public eye. Acting is their job. It pays better than most, but it is still a job. There are many also who use their celebrity for humanitarian causes, and good for them if they can raise awareness. Audrey Hepburn was a class act, Pamela Anderson is not.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Cell phones, friend or foe?

I know we have all overheard a cell phone conversation we did not want to. Or, should I say, half of one. Might as well be both sides. Cell phones have become such a nuisance that they are being banned in all sorts of establishments and with good reason.

I love the grocery store half conversations. Some guy in the tampon aisle while his girlfriend, wife or daughter are on the other end. Okay, I'm in the tampon aisle, which ones again? No, I don't see the super absorbing nightime ones. No I don't see the chartruese box, wait, what color is that? I see something that says pearl. We take pity on this man, help him and give him a high five for even attempting this impossible task. Other poeple use the grocery store to catch up with family and friends via their cell. They are rude, not paying attention and will run the grocery cart up the back of your foot for sure. They are very adept at the don't speak to me I'm on the phone look. Checkers really appreciate this.

Restaurant conversations are incredibly annoying. I don't want to hear you side of the converation about the sex you had last night. I don't want to hear you gripe about you sig other, boss, friend, kids or dog. Neither does the waitstaff. If I am having a meal with someone who must answer their phone, we are done immediately and they pick up the tab. Thankfully, most restaurants have forbidden cell phone usage.

I don't understand the need to be connected 24/7. God forbid anyone make eye contact with you while you are walking on the street or on a bus. Forget your phone one day on purpose and see how much nicer it is to actually have real conversation with someone. You can find out very interesting things by talking to people you don't know. Does this sound scary to you?

Do you ever notice how ridiculous the cell phone lingo and ringtomes are? Wasssup, sheeet bro, you fly girl.....Give me a break. Speaking like a somewhat intelligent person is much more appealing. Songs for ringtones say it all. I heard one the other day that was the theme from Rawhide. I laughed outloud. Herd them doggies. The individuality of ringtones is long gone. A phone that rings like a phone, now there's a concept. I also find the bluetooth ear device weird. How many time have you thought someone was talking to you because you saw no actual phone? I often will join in the conversation. This tends to piss people off, but hey, you are having a public conversation are you not?

I think cell phones are a great invention. If you are out late at night, on a trip or have small children, they can be a lifesaver. Yapping on them about NOTHING all the time is nuts. Remember when doctors had these newfangled things called beepers and you better only beep them if it's an emergency?

So I ask you...Cell phones, friend or foe?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Why is sexual preference such a big deal?

Watching the news ths morning, or shall I say, the daily dose of FEAR, when yet another report about gays/lesbians having rights. Since when does your sexual preference have anything to do with your job performance, your parenting skills, or your ability to serve our country?

Job performance - I've worked at enough places to know that most employees do a shitty job, it's a paycheck. There are a select FEW who do care, but not because they are heterosexual. Heterosexual men are deathly afraid of gay men. It's amusing to say the least. Like they are going to find YOU attractive. No one else in the office does. If you are a heterosexual, then all your sexual activities are "normal" right? Right.... and you know who you are. Does it affect your job performance, or lack thereof?

Parenting - We all know those white trashy women who have several kids they don't give a shit about. I heard one the other day in the supermarket calling her kids little bastards and, while that may technically be right, they are not to blame. Some women have the impression that a baby is going to keep a man around. Nothing will make him run faster. Children need a loving, nuturing, stable home in order to flourish. Who cares if it's two Mommies or two Daddies? Love is love, get over it. Shout out to all you GREAT single parents too.

Serving our Country - All I can say here is you need to read Randy Shilt's book, Conduct Unbecoming, Gay and Lesbians in the Military. Do you honestly believe that sexual preference affects ones ability to be patriotic and defend their country?

This also brings to mind the well know preacher Ted Haggard. I wonder what he was thinking when he was snorting meth and screwing his boyfriend, "I hope my flock of willing sheeple don't find out about this"? Ted, it's okay if you prefer men, the meth, not so much.

Is it too much to stay out of people's bedrooms? It's none of our business.