About Me

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50ish gal who views the world with a bit of cynicism. Our world is full of hilarity at every turn, and I feel the need to express my views on it. Others may think it, I say it.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Where did you expect to be at 50?

WHEW! It's finally over, my fiftieth birthday. Come and gone without too much fanfare. Just as I wanted it. I got a great card, some candles and my favorite Crabtree and Evelyon Rose Lotion from my little boy. I heard from my adult children, my sister and my Mom, so that made it a good birthday. Is my life where I expected it to be at 50?

When we were little girls, we were going to be princesses. There was no age requirement for this job. We were also going to be a bride someday in a big, white, poufy dress marrying a handsome and wildy successful man. Dreams die hard don't they? Somewhere around thirteen or so, real life starts to creep in and you realize that the princess route is probably not going to happen. I don't think Grace Kelly enjoyed it much either. My Grandparents weren't fifty yet, it certainly was not on my radar.

High school was a tortuous experience for me. An unwanted pregnancy, and adoption, at fifteen was not my idea of heaven. To my parents, this made me damaged goods and when my boyfriend proposed to me at sixteen, they were grateful. I was too young and stupid to realize this wasn't a good idea. Never did they encourage me to go to college or anything else for that matter. As far as they were concerned, one bad decision would steer the rest of my life. Fifty was still a long time away.

I graduated from high school early and left home to try to decide what I was going to do. Had a few relationships, joined the Navy and had another baby. This one I got to keep. The love you feel looking at that little face for the first time, nothing like it! My high school sweetheart came back into the picture and we decided to make a go of it. We moved to Hawaii for the last few years of his navy career, and it was fun. We had nothing and life was good! I was still in my twenties, who could think of fifty?

We came home with a new addition to our family and I was a stay at home Mom while my husband worked and went to school. I finally ventured out to the real world when my daughter started kindergarten. It was great having adult conversations and interaction. Really liked my job and was there for a long time. The kids grew, we grew and eventually grew apart. I don't think we realized then how important it was to keep a family together. Only now, as my kids are adults, do I get their feedback on this. I royally fucked it up for them. Still not thinking about fifty.

I found out alot about myself after my marriage ended. I found out that I am intelligent, and while not formaly educated, certainly self educated. I discovered lots of things I am interested in, let go of alot of shit I'm not and try to spend as much time as I can helpng others. Starting to think about fifty.

My kids grew up and started their own lives. It's fun watcing them venture through young adulthood. I got married again and while it's not always peachy, we are friends first. We also have a little one who came to us in an unexpected way, and I don't care if it kills me, we will keep our family intact. I already learned that lesson. Thinking of fifty.

So here I am, fifty. I have a great family, a fairly sucessful business in the town I live in and some very good friends. It's not the destination, it's the journey. It's been a pretty good one. Now for sixty........


  1. I wish I could write this openly and honestly about the roads my journey has taken me down to this point. What I can say is, as the years pass and you continue to gain insights into who you are and how you got there I am grateful to be part of YOUR Journey. I love you and the life experiences we have shared and will continue to share until our last day here. Nice and heartfelt piece of writing. K

  2. I too am thankful to be a part of your journey, and you mine. We've certainly had some great times together, and many more I'm sure. You're only as old as you feel (until you fall and break your hip, then you're just plain old). I never knew you were such a good writer. I guess all that reading has paid off. I like your code name--cute like you.