About Me

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50ish gal who views the world with a bit of cynicism. Our world is full of hilarity at every turn, and I feel the need to express my views on it. Others may think it, I say it.


Monday, June 21, 2010

Good news

We live in a world that is driven by fear. The sky is falling and there's not a thing you can do about it except be scared. The more frightened you are, the more you will consume. This is actually a fact.

There should be, for six months, only good news being reported. Imagine picking up the newspaper in the morning and reading that the local food pantry met it's goal for the year. Perhaps we could read about how the little league team played a great game last night. Instead, it's crime, politics and many other unsavory subjects. If this is all we are exposed to, how would you expect us to behave?

The lead story should be about the boy scouts painting the house of an elderly couple. Habitat for Humanity does great things all the time as does Hospice, Meals on Wheels, St. Vincent de Paul, Goodwill, Salvation Army and many other small local organizations. These services provide the basics for alot of people in our communities. Why are we not hearing this on a daily basis? IT IS HAPPENING ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Would you really rather hear the lurid details about a child murder? Aren't you sick of the government ineptness, both local and federal? The fear factor numbs us as a society and we just tune out altogether. Just trying to navigate through the downer that our lives are, according to the media, is exhausting. Controlling the masses via fear is not a new concept. Tha Catholic Church has been doing it for years, and you see how well that's worked out.

If all we were exposed to was good news, we would be so much more optimistic. Life should be full of happiness, good relationships and love. We need to celebrate all the good things that are going on around us on a daily basis and make our own good news. We will be so much better for it.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Family get togethers

Now that summer is upon us, it will surely bring all those family weddings, reunions, BBQ's and other assorted reasons for families to get together. For some people, the mere thought of this is a reason to binge drink.

The wedding of some obscure relative is always great. I don't understand the need to send out invitations to all relatives, especially when you would never dream of socializing with them at any other time. There is always some real or imagined family feud going on and what better setting than your wedding to hash it out? Drinks are mandatory for this wedding game. There is the relative who loves to dance and, with not one shred of rhythym in their whole body, is tearing up the dance floor. There is the alcoholic relative who usually pukes and passes out. They are assigned a "babysitter" for the occasion and if the babysitter is smart, they will make sure they pass out early. Elope to Vegas, it'll be more fun.

The family reunion is a fun event too. A family commitee is appointed to contact everyone, send out invites, coordinate food, etc. The head of this commitee is the most type A gal in the family. On the appointed day, she will show up dressed in a pink and green outfit, with all the matching accessories. Her kids will be coordinated and hubby will be wearng a pink shirt as well. Despite the facade, she is living on the ragged edge of stress. The appointed BBQ ers will be arguing over the best method for cooking the meat. This is also an occasion to hash out the family feud and again, it's a drinking game. You see family member you barely remember and have nothing in commom with. Thankfully, these events take place only once every ten years.

Summer BBQ's always add a much needed diversion from the boredom of summer. Let'a all get together during a heatwave and cook food over an open fire. Thank god there's alot of cold beer to start drinking at ten in the morning. A shot or six of booze in between beers and you are good to go. Usually one of the kids get stung by a bee, falls down and crack their head open or beats the crap out of one of their cousins. We all have these great memories. It also give all the women in the family an opportunity to gossip about other family members. You can always tell they are talking about you if, when you look over at them, they all smile and wave.

We can look at these events in a couple of diffrent ways. They can be a total drag or, a great source of entertaiment. We already know what to expect since we tend to repeat certain behaviors once we are with our families. And, admit it, some are just downright entertaining. The drunken uncle who insists he can hit the softball further that anyone else. He almost made the majors you know. At least one women will be inappropriately dressed. A string bikini after fifty is not a good look no matter what, but hey, you go girl. The best thing to be at any of these types of get togethers is a guest. No relation to this family whatsoever. You just might say to youself, "WOW, my family looks pretty good".

Monday, June 7, 2010

There's a pill for that

Got a hangnail? There's a pill for that! Never mind those nasty side effects, smooth fingers are yours!

The marketing of pharmacueticals is crazy. How many laboratories are located within an aquarium? The researchers gaze fondly upon the fish, so relaxing it is, as they come up with a new, and here's the surprise, fish oil based drug. WOW!!! Where do you suppose the intestinal drug lab is?

If you have bladder problems, no worries. The side effects for that pill is dry mouth, making you want to drink more water and have to pee more. Isn't that what you wanted to avoid in the first place? I don't get it. How about Viagra? Is there really more erectile dysfunction than before? The answer is no. Viagra was initially used for heart patients and one of the side effects was a hard on. Imagine that! It's side effects include an erection lasting more than four hours. Tell your doctor right away. Then what? As a woman, I don't want your erection lasting more than an hour thank you very much.

Are you depressed? Well there are various pills you can take for that. You may have thoughts of killing you whole family or commiting suicide, but if you do, tell your doctor right sway. Then what? A visit to the psych ward? No, we'll try you on another pill until we get it right. By then you may be beyond help, but, there's a pill for that.

Do you suffer from indigestion, acid reflux or diahrrea? Do you ever think it's from the food you eat? And, has it ever occured to you that the food manufacturers and the big pharma corporations are one in the same? We'll feed you crap to make you sick and then we will give you a pill to make it better. Double dipping at it's best!

And last but not least, diet pills. Take Hydroxycut and you will lose three hundred pounds in a week. You don't even have to change your diet. The amount of money that the "diet supplement" industry generates is huge. I love ALII. One of it's side effects is oily anal discharge. WTF?? Don't fart, it could be dangerous. I know the best way to slim down and it's free and easy. Eat less and move more. It works every time.

I know there are some very real physical and mental health problems people suffer from. There are also some very good medications to treat those problems. I know a doctor who tells me that hs patients come in to see him demanding medication for some random condition they think they have. After all, they saw it on TV and they need it. Take an aspirin and call me in the morning.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Ten super hot tricks.........really?

"Ten super hot sex tricks your man wants but won't ask for", screams from the cover of COSMO or any number of women's magazines. How about "One hundred ways to keep him interested FOREVER"? Perhaps "Sexy dressing for any body type". Really? Who has time for this?

Most women are working forty plus hours a week, commuting, taking care of children and running a household. Super hot sex tricks or sleep? What do you think? And maybe you don't want to keep him interested. Notice that you never see anything that says "How to get rid of that prick in ten easy steps". According to these magazines, we need to hang onto our man at ANY cost.

Do you dress "sexy" no matter what your body type? Inappropriate dressing is just that. Just because you can get it on does not mean you should or that it looks good. Do you own a full length mirror? Most of us are lucky to find something clean, hemmed and with all the buttons. Do you slip into a slinky nightie or boxers and a t-shirt? Let me guess.

We subject ourselves to BOTOX, implants, liposuction and all kids of other ridiculous crap for the perception of youth. I'm going to take out s second mortgage on my house because I NEED bigger boobs. If you ask any man if he would subject his dick to plastic surgery, the answer is a resounding NO FUCKING WAY! Your natural wrinkles, worry and smile lines are a testament to a life well lived. Embrace it.